Deep Interpersonal Analysis

John: Either this beer has been sitting under direct sunlight for the last two hours, or the bartender has an enlarged prostate and thinks I nailed his girlfriend.

Dave: Did you nail his girlfriend?

John: Focus man, the dude pissed in my glass.

Dave: Hey, smokin' hot girl at 4 o'clock...don't whip your head around, jackass, be casual.

John: Damn, not bad. Get a couple more in me and I might just have the balls to make a move on that.

Dave: Not if I do it fir...wait...oh man, what's THAT all about?

John: What?

Dave: I mean, she's got just like...a MONSTER booger hangin' there. Left nostril, can't miss it.

John: This is not an easy thing to look for while still being casual.

Dave: Fuck casual, you're not going to want any part of this girl after you see this sticky beast attached to her face.

John: Oh wow...yeah that's pretty gross. But it's not like it's permanent...maybe that can be my opening line - "Hey, your tits are great, but here's a Kleenex for that bowling ball dangling from your nose."

Dave: Don't you think the whole thing speaks to her general attitude toward hygiene? You'd probably get back to her apartment and there'd be a 5 foot tall rat angling for a three-way.

John: Or maybe it's just a one time thing and she doesn't notice it. I'd be her hero, that's gotta be worth something.

Dave: Doesn't notice it?? It's like borderline hitting her teeth every time she smiles. I think she likes the taste of it.

John: That's kind of kinky. And fuck it, I'm not going anywhere near the face anyway.

Dave: You are one sick and desperate individual.

John: My little guy needs to get out once in awhile, he starts acting up when he gets lonely.

Dave: Lonely? What about the bartender's girlfriend?

John: Slut.

Dave: So? Isn't that the point?

John: Okay, FINE, you want me to say it?? The booger is turning me on. That's right, I have a snot fetish. Big deal, like you don't have weird shit like that.

Dave: I don't think we can be friends anymore.

John: Ok, well fuck off, I'm going in. Order me another glass of bartender piss.