John: Either this beer has been sitting under direct sunlight for the last two hours, or the bartender has an enlarged prostate and thinks I nailed his girlfriend.
Dave: Did you nail his girlfriend?
John: Focus man, the dude pissed in my glass.
Dave: Hey, smokin' hot girl at 4 o'clock...don't whip your head around, jackass, be casual.
John: Damn, not bad. Get a couple more in me and I might just have the balls to make a move on that.
Dave: Not if I do it fir...wait...oh man, what's THAT all about?
John: What?
Dave: I mean, she's got just like...a MONSTER booger hangin' there. Left nostril, can't miss it.
John: This is not an easy thing to look for while still being casual.
Dave: Fuck casual, you're not going to want any part of this girl after you see this sticky beast attached to her face.
John: Oh wow...yeah that's pretty gross. But it's not like it's permanent...maybe that can be my opening line - "Hey, your tits are great, but here's a Kleenex for that bowling ball dangling from your nose."
Dave: Don't you think the whole thing speaks to her general attitude toward hygiene? You'd probably get back to her apartment and there'd be a 5 foot tall rat angling for a three-way.
John: Or maybe it's just a one time thing and she doesn't notice it. I'd be her hero, that's gotta be worth something.
Dave: Doesn't notice it?? It's like borderline hitting her teeth every time she smiles. I think she likes the taste of it.
John: That's kind of kinky. And fuck it, I'm not going anywhere near the face anyway.
Dave: You are one sick and desperate individual.
John: My little guy needs to get out once in awhile, he starts acting up when he gets lonely.
Dave: Lonely? What about the bartender's girlfriend?
John: Slut.
Dave: So? Isn't that the point?
John: Okay, FINE, you want me to say it?? The booger is turning me on. That's right, I have a snot fetish. Big deal, like you don't have weird shit like that.
Dave: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
John: Ok, well fuck off, I'm going in. Order me another glass of bartender piss.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
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